zichen | IC CONTACT

You are comforting me more than you think. [He strokes over Xue Yang's chest with the back of his hand.] The way you touch me and need me... That's what I want.

[ Xue Yang nods and cuddles even closer. ]

Okay. I just want you to know that you can lean on me... if you ever need to.

A-Yang... [He is touched at the offer; it's selfless. A sign that his lover is trying to change.] I don't like being...this way. I do miss Xingchen. I don't like being alone here.

[ He really is trying. The way he'd done things before had only brought misery - for himself and others, and he wants to try doing things differently. He brushes a soft kiss against Song Lan's shoulder as he listens to him. ]

We will get out of here, and you'll be alive again. [ He murmurs softly before sighing a little. ] I miss him too. Did you only talk to him once while he was here...?

[Zichen strokes over Xue Yang's hair as he speaks, finding comfort in something tactile. His A-Yang is the only one he can touch so freely.]

I'm frightened of that too. I haven't been alive in...a long time. [He has almost forgotten what it feels like.] I spoke to him several times, but only met him once.

[ Xue Yang nods and leans into his lover's touches. ]

It's going to be fucking weird to be home, but we'll figure it out. We'll be together... that's what's important.

[ He frowns a little, not sure what to say, so he just blurts out: ] That sucks.

[Zichen's eyes widen and then he blinks. His lips quirk and he finds himself chuckling.]

I will need you. If we're together, I will adapt quickly.

[Then he softens and kisses Xue Yang.]

He...was angry at me. For not telling him how I felt sooner.

[ Xue Yang smiles a little, happy to have made Song Lan laugh. ]

You better! I hope I get to keep my arm, but if not, I'm definitely gonna need your help...

[ Hearing that makes Xue Yang feel weird inside and all he can do is let out a humorless chuckle. ] And he got mad at me for telling him how I feel. [ What cruel irony. ]

[Zichen kisses Xue Yang's smile, memorizing it against his lips.]

I will help you. We'll live a peaceful life away from other Cultivators.

[The sound saddens him and he brushes their noses together.]

Too much happened. It ruined our chances, A-Yang. With him, at least.

[ Xue just smiles more when he's kissed and immediately returns that press of lips against lips. ]

Mm... it'd be hard to explain how we're alive if anyone recognizes us.

[ He ducks his head down a little. ]

I never had a chance in the first place.

[Zichen shakes his head slowly and presses another kiss to the bridge of Xue Yang's nose.]

We'll be gone before they can be sure of anything. You and I will be like ghosts.

[He arches a brow.]

If you had been honest from the beginning and shown him you wanted to change, you would have stolen his heart.

[ Xue Yang chuckles softly and kisses his lover's jawline, teasing a little when he next speaks. ]

What if people start to think we're actual ghosts and send cultivators after us?

[ Another humorless chuckle follows. ]

I really doubt that. By the time I started feeling differently... I couldn't tell him. It would've ruined everything. [ The look in his eyes grows a little distant. ] I would've been anonymous forever if I could've only... [ He trails off and sighs, a small shudder going through him. ] B-But, it's no fucking use thinking about that. He's gone. For good now.

[Zichen snorts and leans into the warm lips, his eyelids half-closed.]

We will be forced to explain and send them on their way.

[He rubs over Xue Yang's back and kisses his cheeks.]

He is with someone who makes him happy. Or...he will be. [Zichen cups Xue Yang's face between his palms.] And you are with me. I know your past; there are no lies between us.

He is. Crozier left too. His inmate graduated. [ Xue Yang had seen it on the network, but he hadn't commented. He's not at a point where he can feel happy for Xiao Xingchen. That wound is still too open, too raw. Just knowing that Xiao Xingchen is still alive out there somewhere, in a world he can't reach, hurts.

Song Lan grounds him though, brings him back to the present. He clings closer to him and blinks away tears. A broken little chuckle leaves him. ]

You're gonna make me fucking cry again, asshole.

Ah good. [He purposefully kept away from the network where Crozier and Xingchen were concerned. It just... It was difficult to read anything from them. Even now, his chest clenches and aches, his guilt and anxiety threatening to engulf him again.

On instinct, he caresses Xue Yang's face and kisses the other man tenderly. This... This is what grounds him too.]

I don't want to make you cry. I'd rather make you laugh.

Mm... I guess so. [ Xue Yang had not been able to stay away, no matter how much it hurt. In that sense, it's better that they're not here. It forces him to focus on other things.

He closes his eyes and kisses Song Lan back. ]

You're pretty good at that too.

[That has occurred to him too. Now he can imagine them being...happy. And too far away for him to reach. It's almost a relief even though it breaks his heart too.

Zichen smiles softly and snuggles Xue Yang in the blanket.]

Shall I tell you a terrible joke?

[ Xue Yang chuckles a little and slips his arms around Song Lan's middle. ]

Alright, give me your best shot.

[Alright. Get ready for it. Prepare yourself.]

What do you call a pony with a sore throat?

[He hesitates and then mutters, ashamed:]

A little hoarse.

[There. He did it. All for Xue Yang. If this isn't love, what is?]

[ Xue Yang is very excited! He's already grinning before Song Lan has even finished the joke and when he does, he starts cackling. It's not particularly funny, it's just the fact that it's Song Lan saying it that has him cracking up. ]

[The joke is horrible and he knows it. But that had been the point, right?]

Much better.

[ It warms him that Song Lan wants to make him laugh! He leans up and gives him a loud smooch on the lips. ]

Mhmm... thank you, Zichen.

[He blinks, shyly, and curls a strand of Xue Yang's hair around his finger.]

I will cease to exist if you tell others I know such a poor joke.

[ Xue Yang giggles and snuggles in to him, trying to stifle a yawn. ]

Your secret's safe with me.

[Laying them down, side by side, Zichen watches his lover tenderly.]

Then I won't need to go into hiding.

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