The cry shakes him to his core and Zichen releases hard, sobbing against Xue Yang's hair. He keeps moving until he is soft, moaning as he pulls free and collapses beside his lover.
"A-Yang..." he gathers the younger man into his arms immediately, kissing the side of his head.
Xue Yang flushes and slips his arms around Song Lan's neck, holding him closer and nuzzling him.
"I should be the one thanking you... for giving me a chance, for believing in me and just... you've been here for me. You didn't give up on me, even when I was a total asshole." He laughs a little, tears pricking in his eyes again. "I love you."
He is just fine being pressed flush with the younger man, his eyelids drooping in contentment. He rubs over Xue Yang's warm back and kisses his shoulder.
"You've... You've done the same for me." his voice shakes, "So much has happened between us, A-Yang. But we've always been like that, haven't we? Our emotions have always been passionate. Anger... Hate. And now love." he pauses, "I know you won't hurt me or anyone else. I trust you."
Xue Yang grins warmly. "Mmm, we've always felt strongly about each other, one way or the other."
He kisses the top of Song Lan's head. "I can promise I won't do it deliberately," he murmurs. He doesn't want to, but he knows that it's quite possible that his past will catch up to him once they return home.
"Mm we have. I can't be ambivalent about you." Zichen closes his eyes and sighs under the kiss, "I know you won't. There will be obstacles before us, but I won't let go of you. I won't abandon you."
He hopes they can just...go off together and be done with the wider Cultivation world.
"Yeah. I trust you. You know that's not easy for me, so I trust you to not make me regret it. And I won't make you regret trusting in me either."
He tilts Song Lan's head up so he can kiss him on the lips. He'd love to leave the cultivation world behind too. It's nothing to do with them anyway. They're both outsiders who don't care for sect politics. All Xue Yang had ever wanted, he understands now, is to feel safe. Against all odds, he's found that with Song Lan.
"A-Yang. Xue Yang." Zichen murmurs warmly, lifting his head and meeting his lover's gaze, "I will never betray you. I will never send you away or leave your side. If something ever separates us know that I will find my way back to you."
Hadn't he done just that in the river? He sinks into the kiss with a soft hum, entwining their legs. This man, once the murderer of his family, is his. Xue Yang has chosen a different path and Zichen knows his lover mourns what he did. He can ask no more from him - and he won't. The agony and madness of the past is behind them for good.
Xue Yang deepens the kiss, pouring all of his love into it. "A-Lan..." he murmurs between their lips, "I know. You came for me... in the river. I thought I was gonna die, and all I could think about was you. And then you came for me." He smiles and nudges their foreheads together.
All of his thoughts melt away and he returns the love he feels, moaning quietly. He blinks, dazed, and then smiles softly.
"I was ready to defy the Admiral. Thankfully he understood my desperation." he nuzzles into the contact, brushing their noses together, "I won't leave you to die anywhere. If that's your fate, it will be mine too."
Xue Yang chuckles a little and lovingly nibbles at Song Lan's lips. "Damn, then I have to really make sure I don't get myself in a situation like that again, huh? Not that we have much control of what happens on the Barge." Another reason to get out of here as soon as they can.
He kisses him again. "But yeah... it's the same for me. I wouldn't want to keep going without you anyway..."
Zichen smiles shyly, delighted, tugging Xue Yang's lower lip between his teeth.
"Mm you only have so much control. If...and when...you need me, I won't fail you." he grows serious, "Here or back in our world. It doesn't matter. My promise remains the same."
Even if that means them facing death together. He knows what it's like; Xue Yang does too. The least he can do is make it easier on his lover.
Xue Yang lets out a pleased hum. "I will come for you if you need me too," he murmurs, "I'm never leaving you." He slides his leg over Song Lan's hip to get them closer to one another.
"I will. You've given me... so much to live for." Love. Safety. Happiness. A future. A purpose.
"I..." Zichen looks down, disappointed in himself, "I am uneasy about the future. I look forward to parts of it - to us - but sometimes I dream of the past. I think about being alive again." he shudders, "Death wasn't easy - you know the agony of it; will returning to life be the same?"
Xue Yang frowns a little and gently cups Song Lan's face between his hands. "I don't know, but we'll be doing it together, right?" He softly kisses him. "I'll hold onto you. You won't be alone and cold this time."
The warmth penetrates him and he relaxes, turning his face against Xue Yang's hands.
"We will." he breathes, "Thank you. That's all I need. The world isn't...black and white. I see that now." he smiles a little, "But that means there is hope for everyone. A small glimmer of light can become a star." his eyes are fixed on Xue Yang for a reason.
Xue Yang smiles and puts their foreheads together, his cheeks heating up a little. "Mm... Maybe," he allows with a soft noise. It is easier now to believe that the world isn't just ugly and cruel, filled with horrible people. He kisses Song Lan again, soft and sweet.
"I never stop wanting you." Zichen laughs shakily, amazed at himself, "It is very difficult to get my duties done." he tilts his head and arches a brow, "I want to see to you this time since you've been so generous."
Xue Yang laughs warmly. "Mm... it's the same for me! You're so hot, I want to stay in bed with you all the time..." He playfully nibbles at his lover's lips. "Come back inside, gege~."
"But I took you so hard." Zichen worries, stroking Xue Yang's cock lovingly, "Aren't you sore? I'm happy to use my mouth on you." he smiles slowly and kisses along Xue Yang's jawline.
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"A-Yang..." he gathers the younger man into his arms immediately, kissing the side of his head.
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"A-Lan..." he murmurs breathily, his lips pressed to his lover's chest.
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"This might be my favorite birthday."
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"Thank you." he tucks his face against Xue Yang's neck, "You've given me...everything. I love you, A-Yang."
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"I should be the one thanking you... for giving me a chance, for believing in me and just... you've been here for me. You didn't give up on me, even when I was a total asshole." He laughs a little, tears pricking in his eyes again. "I love you."
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"You've... You've done the same for me." his voice shakes, "So much has happened between us, A-Yang. But we've always been like that, haven't we? Our emotions have always been passionate. Anger... Hate. And now love." he pauses, "I know you won't hurt me or anyone else. I trust you."
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He kisses the top of Song Lan's head. "I can promise I won't do it deliberately," he murmurs. He doesn't want to, but he knows that it's quite possible that his past will catch up to him once they return home.
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He hopes they can just...go off together and be done with the wider Cultivation world.
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He tilts Song Lan's head up so he can kiss him on the lips. He'd love to leave the cultivation world behind too. It's nothing to do with them anyway. They're both outsiders who don't care for sect politics. All Xue Yang had ever wanted, he understands now, is to feel safe. Against all odds, he's found that with Song Lan.
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Hadn't he done just that in the river? He sinks into the kiss with a soft hum, entwining their legs. This man, once the murderer of his family, is his. Xue Yang has chosen a different path and Zichen knows his lover mourns what he did. He can ask no more from him - and he won't. The agony and madness of the past is behind them for good.
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"I was ready to defy the Admiral. Thankfully he understood my desperation." he nuzzles into the contact, brushing their noses together, "I won't leave you to die anywhere. If that's your fate, it will be mine too."
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He kisses him again. "But yeah... it's the same for me. I wouldn't want to keep going without you anyway..."
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"Mm you only have so much control. If...and when...you need me, I won't fail you." he grows serious, "Here or back in our world. It doesn't matter. My promise remains the same."
Even if that means them facing death together. He knows what it's like; Xue Yang does too. The least he can do is make it easier on his lover.
"I'm not going anywhere so you have to carry on."
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"I will. You've given me... so much to live for." Love. Safety. Happiness. A future. A purpose.
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"We will." he breathes, "Thank you. That's all I need. The world isn't...black and white. I see that now." he smiles a little, "But that means there is hope for everyone. A small glimmer of light can become a star." his eyes are fixed on Xue Yang for a reason.
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He deepens the sweet kiss, pressing his love to their bed.
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