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[zichen]

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[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang curls up on Song Lan's lap and nuzzles into his neck and shoulder. Solid, strong, safe. He feels so protected here in these arms.

"...I'm sorry. About... about your temple. Your Master," he murmurs after a moment's silence. He doesn't know if an apology is useful here, if it's something Song Lan wants, but he can't bring them back so this is the best he can do.

[zichen]

Zichen hesitates a moment before lifting Xue Yang and carrying him to their bed. He settles against the pillows with the younger man on his lap.

Tension runs through him - a reaction to the topic - but he appreciates the attempt nonetheless. Running a hand through Xue Yang's hair, he shakes his head.

"You show you've changed and that you regret it by taking care of me. And by changing how you interact with others."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang clings to Song Lan as he's carried over to the bed. He can feel the tension in his lover and he feels... guilty. Not something he's used to feeling, but it's been an increasingly common feeling since coming to the Barge. He doesn't like it.

Still, he tries to ease Song Lan's tension by gently rubbing his shoulders.

"I'm not... used to feeling bad about shit," he murmurs. There's a lot he still doesn't regret, but coming to care for Xiao Xingchen at first and then Song Lan... yeah, that's definitely made the horrible things he did to them start to weigh on him.

[zichen]

Zichen has tried so hard to keep logical about this; to hold Xue Yang at an arm's length. But then they have amazing, passionate moments and moments like this where he feels his heart swelling and breaking. How can anyone stay logical when faced with this? People have encouraged him to take a step back and put space between him and Xue Yang, but how can he?

The space would just hurt them both.

He relaxes again under the massage and he gathers Xue Yang close, watching him tenderly.

"It takes time and practice. Empathy isn't an emotion we are born with. We learn it by caring for others. Seeing them hurt is what awakens our ability to regret." he looks away shyly, "I take it you care about me?"

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang would definitely not listen to anyone who tried to tell him to stay away from Song Lan. This is the first time he's felt good since Xiao Xingchen's death, and he's not giving that up. Not when Song Lan evidently wants this too, as surprising as that is.

He buries his face in Song Lan's shoulder, hiding as he murmurs a, "...Yeah." He can't deny that any longer - it'd be pretty ridiculous to. It's still a difficult thing to admit! He still fears being hurt and having his feelings thrown back in his face - like with Xiao Xingchen.

[zichen]

There is a bond between them. It was once twisted and dark; now he sees glimmers of light and he doesn't want to let them go. In a way, it feels like they are searching for peace together. If they abandon one another, the journey will inevitably fail and they will be left in the dark.

The soft answer makes him smile and he urges Xue Yang to look at him before claiming his lips in a soft kiss.

"No one can replace my A-Yang."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang's face immediately flushes red when such sweet words accompany such a sweet kiss. He's never been spoiled with affection before, verbally or physically, and here Song Lan is - giving him both.

He slides his arms around his neck and kisses him again, a little more insistently, trying to convey the same sentiment back without having to actually say it out loud.

[zichen]

Gladly giving him both. Zichen wants to soften Xue Yang - and himself. He wants to see their best selves break free of the trauma they have endured. Then, maybe, they can help others - as he had always intended to do.

A deep groan rumbles between their lips and Zichen embraces the younger man tighter. Yes, he knows what his A-Yang is telling him. Turning, he lays Xue Yang against the bed and breaks the kiss gently.

"You were very cute as a child. The temple would have taken you in without a second glance."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang clings onto Song Lan when he's laid down and pulls him along so he can cuddle up against him.

"... You were so serious as a kid," he says with a little laugh, "Can't say I'm surprised." He strokes over Song Lan's cheek, his expression softening a little. "I wish we'd met back then." Maybe things would've been different. Or maybe they would've just butted heads and not gotten along at all...

[zichen]

Zichen happily follows and lays over Xue Yang, kissing the insides of his arms.

"Mm Master used to say so too. He would try to make me laugh." he rubs over Xue Yang's chest, expression a little distant, "I guess my sense of humor was stolen by little A-Yang." he teases and leans into the hand on his cheek, "Me too. You would've loved the animals around the temple."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang nuzzles their noses together and slides his fingers into Song Lan's hair to comb through it.

"We probably would've gotten on each other's nerves," he says with a small laugh, "I would've made fun of you for being so serious." He gently ruffles his lover's hair.

[zichen]

Zichen's eyes close blissfully and he enjoys the shivers Xue Yang's fingers cause.

"Most likely. But..." he smiles suddenly, "As we grew, we would be drawn to one another. Our natures would have melded." he chuckles at the ruffling and kisses Xue Yang's nose.

[bringingdowndisaster]

He chuckles softly as he makes a bit of a mess of Song Lan's hair. "You think so?" He likes the thought of that. The two of them butting heads and bickering, but still staying together... still being drawn to each other. That's kind of how it is now, isn't it? It'd just be preferable if none of the bad had happened.

[zichen]

He shakes his hair out of his face and gives Xue Yang a mock frown.

"I know so." he softens immediately as he imagines them younger and bonding, "You would be mine." his voice dips pleasantly, "I would want you to travel with me."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang giggles and tugs Song Lan's hair out of the ribbons so it comes loose. "Woops." He likes this look on him.

He shivers a bit at the "mine". Oh yes, he wants to belong to this man. "If we ever get out of here... we could do that," he murmurs a little shyly. He likes that idea too. Traveling with Song Lan, fighting at his side...

[zichen]

He lets his hair fall over his shoulders, touched and amused that Xue Yang likes it loose. Well! He will remember that.

Is that a shiver? Zichen smirks and nods, kissing Xue Yang again.

"Do you think I'm going to leave you behind?" he arches a brow, "Never."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang has definitely found that he likes it when Song Lan gets a little possessive over him. It's both a turn-on and something that makes him feel safe. And he's possessive in return. He wants this man to be his too.

He lightly nibbles at Song Lan's bottom lip. "I'll hold you to that," he murmurs.

[zichen]

That's a done deal, though finding the words to communicate as much is difficult for Zichen. He tries to let his actions speak for him, touching and holding Xue Yang in ways that would be impossible with anyone else.

"Then you need to live and be with me." he rubs Xue Yang's injured hip, massaging the sore muscles, "Can you do that?"

[bringingdowndisaster]

"Yeah," he murmurs, and he finds that he means that. He does want to live. He wants to get out of here, wants to go back home and just... live a life with Song Lan. It's a startling realization, one that makes him press closer to his lover.

He leans up to kiss him again, shivering a bit. There's something a little frightening about such a realization, because it means he has to put in the work necessary to graduate. And he's not sure how exactly to go about that.

[zichen]

"Xue Yang..." Zichen breathes in wonder and scans his lover's face for signs of misgivings, "Do you mean that?" he meets the kiss with a low moan, already tugging open Xue Yang's robes so he can touch his bare skin.

"I'll come back for you. Just wait in Yi City." he smiles tremulously, eyes shining, "I won't take long. I'll run."

[bringingdowndisaster]

"You're stupid if you think I'm leaving this ship without you," Xue Yang says, shivering and arching into Song Lan's touches. He's not going to hang around in Yi City without Song Lan, no way! "Besides, I bet you'll graduate someone before I graduate, anyway." He knows that he has a lot of work to do, okay!

He then slides his fingers deeper into Song Lan's hair and kisses him with a bit more hunger behind it.

[zichen]

"Good." Zichen breathes huskily, pushing the robes open and teasing Xue Yang's nipples with his thumbs, "That doesn't mean I'll leave without you either. When we are ready together, we will go."

Sinking into the kiss, he sucks on Xue Yang's tongue, shuddering. His hands move down his lover's abdomen, caressing around his bellybutton.

[bringingdowndisaster]

"You-ah-better not." Xue Yang gasps, his nipples immediately stiffening thanks to his lover's touches. He can't imagine being here without Song Lan either. The two of them leaving together, yes, he likes that much more.

He moans into the kiss, arching to his Song Lan's touches, and feeling his cock start to stir between his legs. "Mmm... want you," he breathes against his lips.

[zichen]

"Is that a threat?" Zichen laughs deeply, right against Xue Yang's ear. He teases those nipples a little more, rolling them between his fingers. Yes, he has decided. Being here without Xue Yang would be...empty. And cold. He has had enough of loneliness.

Nipping at Xue Yang's lower lip, he tugs on it and then quickly opens the other man's trousers.

"You do seem hard. Did I cause that?"

[bringingdowndisaster]

"Y-Yes," Xue Yang gasps, arching up to Song Lan's fingers teasing his nipples. They both harden immediately, stiff and extra sensitive to his lover's touches.

"Mhmmm... so take responsibility," he breathes as his half-hard but quickly getting harder cock is revealed. He wants Song Lan so much he feels like he might combust from the intensity of it.