zichen | IC CONTACT

[Zichen brushes their lips together once. Twice. Okay, three times. Then he smiles softly and caresses Xue Yang's cheek.]

Your cabin is cruel. How could you be comfortable in a place like that?

[ Xue Yang grins happily under those kisses, responding to each of them. ]

It wasn't so bad at first. It was kind of comforting, but... then it was just a shitty fucking reminder of how badly I fucked everything up.

[Zichen tucks Xue Yang against him after the kisses end, his chest aching.]

I couldn't leave you there. [Just seeing Xue Yang in those rooms a handful of times had been too much.] I want you to move on from...Yi City...with me.

[ Xue Yang easily curls up against Song Lan's chest, putting a hand over his heart. ]

I want to. I want to at least... try.

[He looks...so fragile. Like this. Not a terror. Not a murderer. Zichen nuzzles Xue Yang's hair.]

You're with me. You won't fail.

[ He chuckles softly and presses a kiss to Song Lan's collarbone. ]

I want to take care of you too. You deserve to be cared for...

[Zichen traces over Xue Yang's side and down to his hip.]

Aren't you caring for me? I notice everything you do, A-Yang. You've been very sweet to me.

[ Xue Yang swings a leg over Song Lan's lap, clinging a little. ]

Yeah, but I want to do more. It doesn't always have to be me having an embarrassing meltdown and crying in your arms. You can do that too, if you ever need to.

[He gently squeezes Xue Yang's thigh, welcoming the leg.]

If you noticed...when you are crying...so am I. [Zichen brushes their noses together.]

[ The cuddling really seems to settle something in his soul. There's just something very reassuring and grounding about being held and touched like this. ]

Mm... but it's still mostly just you comforting me...

You are comforting me more than you think. [He strokes over Xue Yang's chest with the back of his hand.] The way you touch me and need me... That's what I want.

[ Xue Yang nods and cuddles even closer. ]

Okay. I just want you to know that you can lean on me... if you ever need to.

A-Yang... [He is touched at the offer; it's selfless. A sign that his lover is trying to change.] I don't like being...this way. I do miss Xingchen. I don't like being alone here.

[ He really is trying. The way he'd done things before had only brought misery - for himself and others, and he wants to try doing things differently. He brushes a soft kiss against Song Lan's shoulder as he listens to him. ]

We will get out of here, and you'll be alive again. [ He murmurs softly before sighing a little. ] I miss him too. Did you only talk to him once while he was here...?

[Zichen strokes over Xue Yang's hair as he speaks, finding comfort in something tactile. His A-Yang is the only one he can touch so freely.]

I'm frightened of that too. I haven't been alive in...a long time. [He has almost forgotten what it feels like.] I spoke to him several times, but only met him once.

[ Xue Yang nods and leans into his lover's touches. ]

It's going to be fucking weird to be home, but we'll figure it out. We'll be together... that's what's important.

[ He frowns a little, not sure what to say, so he just blurts out: ] That sucks.

[Zichen's eyes widen and then he blinks. His lips quirk and he finds himself chuckling.]

I will need you. If we're together, I will adapt quickly.

[Then he softens and kisses Xue Yang.]

He...was angry at me. For not telling him how I felt sooner.

[ Xue Yang smiles a little, happy to have made Song Lan laugh. ]

You better! I hope I get to keep my arm, but if not, I'm definitely gonna need your help...

[ Hearing that makes Xue Yang feel weird inside and all he can do is let out a humorless chuckle. ] And he got mad at me for telling him how I feel. [ What cruel irony. ]

[Zichen kisses Xue Yang's smile, memorizing it against his lips.]

I will help you. We'll live a peaceful life away from other Cultivators.

[The sound saddens him and he brushes their noses together.]

Too much happened. It ruined our chances, A-Yang. With him, at least.

[ Xue just smiles more when he's kissed and immediately returns that press of lips against lips. ]

Mm... it'd be hard to explain how we're alive if anyone recognizes us.

[ He ducks his head down a little. ]

I never had a chance in the first place.

[Zichen shakes his head slowly and presses another kiss to the bridge of Xue Yang's nose.]

We'll be gone before they can be sure of anything. You and I will be like ghosts.

[He arches a brow.]

If you had been honest from the beginning and shown him you wanted to change, you would have stolen his heart.

[ Xue Yang chuckles softly and kisses his lover's jawline, teasing a little when he next speaks. ]

What if people start to think we're actual ghosts and send cultivators after us?

[ Another humorless chuckle follows. ]

I really doubt that. By the time I started feeling differently... I couldn't tell him. It would've ruined everything. [ The look in his eyes grows a little distant. ] I would've been anonymous forever if I could've only... [ He trails off and sighs, a small shudder going through him. ] B-But, it's no fucking use thinking about that. He's gone. For good now.

[Zichen snorts and leans into the warm lips, his eyelids half-closed.]

We will be forced to explain and send them on their way.

[He rubs over Xue Yang's back and kisses his cheeks.]

He is with someone who makes him happy. Or...he will be. [Zichen cups Xue Yang's face between his palms.] And you are with me. I know your past; there are no lies between us.

He is. Crozier left too. His inmate graduated. [ Xue Yang had seen it on the network, but he hadn't commented. He's not at a point where he can feel happy for Xiao Xingchen. That wound is still too open, too raw. Just knowing that Xiao Xingchen is still alive out there somewhere, in a world he can't reach, hurts.

Song Lan grounds him though, brings him back to the present. He clings closer to him and blinks away tears. A broken little chuckle leaves him. ]

You're gonna make me fucking cry again, asshole.

Ah good. [He purposefully kept away from the network where Crozier and Xingchen were concerned. It just... It was difficult to read anything from them. Even now, his chest clenches and aches, his guilt and anxiety threatening to engulf him again.

On instinct, he caresses Xue Yang's face and kisses the other man tenderly. This... This is what grounds him too.]

I don't want to make you cry. I'd rather make you laugh.

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