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[zichen]

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[bringingdowndisaster]

This is such a bizarre situation, but somehow, it almost feels natural. He had used Song Lan for comfort sometimes back in Yi City. Sometimes he'd just screamed at him, hit and kicked him, but other times he'd cried in his arms. Of course, Song Lan back then had never reacted much to anything he did. He never would've expected that he'd want to with his consciousness restored.

Yes, both their hearts are broken. Song Lan will be losing Xiao Xingchen too, won't be able to see him ever again once he leaves. He grins without humor and snorts. "We're both pretty pathetic, huh?" Both of them, in love with the same man, but at least, Song Lan probably had a chance back home. Honestly, that might even make it worse...

[zichen]

Zichen shifts just enough to grab his communicator. He keeps himself nestled against Xue Yang as he types, his forehead furrowing ever so slightly in concentration.

"Not pathetic. Injured." he pauses and almost - almost - smiles, "Tell me where. If I can heal you, I can heal myself."

Because Xue Yang is, by far, the most difficult problem he has ever encountered!

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang snorts a little and reaches up to trace some of those black veins on Song Lan's neck. "I don't think anyone can heal what we're sick with." Heartache feels incurable. He can't imagine ever getting over Xiao Xingchen. Maybe it'd be easier for Song Lan since he's not as fucked up as Xue Yang is in every other way.

[zichen]

Zichen swallows against those fingers, a shiver running down his spine. He hasn't felt much of anything since Xue Yang's spell took hold, but that? He feels that.

"Then we live." as best as they can for as long as they can and hopefully the pain becomes something manageable.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang gives a wry little grin. "I guess we don't have a choice thanks to the fucking Admiral." Noticing the way Song Lan swallows, he continues to stroke those black veins, head tilted in curiosity. "Does it hurt?"

[zichen]

Zichen shakes his head slightly, agreeing with that statement. The Admiral is quite stubborn about them carrying on instead of giving up.

His fingers are shaky as he types this time: "No. I usually can't feel anything. But I feel you."

Is that because Xue Yang is the master of the spell?

[bringingdowndisaster]

"Huh. You don't feel anything in general or just here?" Xue Yang is a little intrigued. He can't help being a weirdo about these sort of things. He also just... kind of likes touching Song Lan.

[zichen]

"In general." Zichen isn't sure how to explain that while he can perceive heat and cold - even touch - none of those sensations penetrate deeper than the surface layer of his skin. Until now. Xue Yang's touch radiates through him and he is afraid to like it.

But how can he not?

"That's why pain doesn't bother me."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Strange... but also intriguing. He keeps his touch gentle, stroking those veins and the skin around them. "I didn't know it could have that effect." But he'd never asked before either. "Does it feel good?" he asks instead. Song Lan doesn't seem uncomfortable, after all...

[zichen]

His self-control has gone to the same place as his fear of touch. Then again, Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen have been exceptions to that latter rule for some time. Zichen feels ridiculous letting himself enjoy anything, truly, much less from Xue Yang, but it does feel nice and he rests his head against the bed.

"It does." if he could blush still, his cheeks would he red. As it stands, he looks away from Xue Yang shyly.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Dangerous, dangerous territory. And yet, he can't stop himself. Xue Yang strokes Song Lan's cheek, wondering if the other man is just as starved for intimacy as he is. He almost has to be, to accept such touches from someone like him.

He chuckles a little, stroking his thumb against Song Lan's bottom lip. "This is probably a bad idea, huh?"

[zichen]

"...de...pends..." is all he is able to type before staring at Xue Yang in surprise. What is he thinking? The warm tingles erupting under the touch of his...master...should disgust him. Yet Zichen has never had intimacy. Not even with Xiao Xingchen.

Shuddering, he pulls Xue Yang back into his arms, communicator forgotten.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang had expected outright rejection, so when that doesn't come... Well, fuck it, right? When he's pulled close he clasps Song Lan's face between his hands and kisses him. Now they've stepped over a line they probably shouldn't, but Xue Yang is out of fucks to give.

[zichen]

The kiss spooks him, but not because it comes from Xue Yang. Zichen returns the pressure before realizing that the other man is bound to be disgusted with him. He has to stop that from happening...somehow.

So he pulls away and motions at his missing tongue, warning Xue Yang in the only way he knows how. His fingers are much too unsteady to type right now.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang chuckles a little. Don't worry, the guy who's brewed tea on tongues is not put off by a lack of one! "I don't care about that," he says, his voice having taken on a breathy quality. So he leans in again, kissing him more insistently.

[zichen]

That's weird, Xue Yang, and one day they need to talk about that. No more tongue tea, sir.

Zichen is shocked at the answer and once more he is kissed, warm tingles racing through his body. This is the closest he has come to feeling alive again and he finds himself trying to kiss back, a hand grabbing onto Xue Yang's hair.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Being kissed back feels so damn good. Not being rejected... that despite everything, Song Lan isn't so disgusted by him that he's put off by being kissed by him. He lets out a groan when Song Lan grabs his hair, pressing himself flush against that strong body. He slides his tongue into his mouth, and while it does feel a little strange to not have another tongue meet his, it really doesn't matter in the end. He's still enjoying himself.

[zichen]

They are two of a kind, really. Zichen sees himself as a monster, but perhaps a monster with a better grip on empathy and humanity than Xue Yang. There has to be a reason he remains like this; a reason why their souls have met again on this Barge; a reason why Xiao Xingchen is leaving them again, opening fresh wounds wider.

He just needs Xue Yang to trust him. To hold his hand in the darkness until they resurface in their world. He has spent years in his company - if they can be healthier, why should he fuss about spending a lifetime more with him?

And the kissing feels as good as the earlier touch. Better, in fact, but his breath stutters when he feels a tongue in his mouth. Ah, this... This can't be pleasing. Yet Xue Yang doesn't stop or pull back. The acceptance makes Zichen's chest ache and he doesn't want to let the other man go.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang is driven by a combination of grief, spite and a deep desire for intimacy and connection. The latter especially. It may be pathetic, but right now, it's very comforting to be wanted. Even if this is a one time thing.

His hands slide down to Song Lan's chest, hands sliding along the muscles he can feel under his robes. His breathing grows heavier as he explores Song Lan's mouth with his tongue. Feeling and kissing him is definitely turning him on. He wonders how far Song Lan will get him take this...

[zichen]

The need surprises him and yet...doesn't. They have both been denied simple touch. Of course that leaves them like this, biting and sucking on each other's lips while their hands explore. Zichen's hands in particular sweep over Xue Yang's back and grab onto his waist.

Then he remembers, with a chill, that he has no idea what he is doing. He breaks the kiss and stares into Xue Yang's eyes, trying to make him understand.

This? This is all new! He looks so very uncertain, but he also isn't pulling away.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang likes feeling Song Lan's hands on him. Large, strong hands grabbing at him, making him feel hot.

Then Song Lan breaks the kiss. At first Xue Yang thinks he wants to stop, and he feels a pit growing in his stomach, but Song Lan isn't pulling away. He just looks uncertain. Right, he's never done this before, has he?

"If you want to keep going, I'll show you how," he says, voice even breathier than before. Fuck, he really doesn't want to stop, can't handle another rejection.

[zichen]

Zichen caresses Xue Yang's waist and his hands slide down to grab onto his hips. Is this truly how he is going to learn about sex? And if Xue Yang is attracted to him, why didn't he do anything with him when he was under his control? Oh.

He knows why. A small smile curves his lips. Xue Yang is aroused by someone who is attracted to him; who wants him. That's why he never forced himself on Xingchen either.

Pressing a kiss to the other man's cheek, Zichen pulls back just enough to give him a nod. Yes. Show him how.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang is a lot of things, a lot of negative things, but he's not a rapist! Having sex with someone who doesn't want it... what would be the fun in that, after all? The fact that he has his own trauma surrounding sex from when he was younger is another factor. Not that he'd ever consider himself a victim.

Being given the go-ahead excites him a lot. He immediately starts to undo Song Lan's robes, eager to get his hands on bare skin. Once they're open, he slides his hands up the other man's chest. Meanwhile, his mouth busies itself by pressing kisses to Song Lan's throat.

[zichen]

There is a small ray of hope in that; a tiny chink in Xue Yang's insanity where empathy might wiggle through and take hold. Zichen has his own issues - perhaps some of them extend from trauma too - and so he would never take someone against their will. There would be no joy in it.

He can hardly look away from Xue Yang's eager expression and he finds himself kissing him - softly at first until he gains confidence. The hands on his chest earn a pleasurable hiss and the black lines on his skin almost seem to pulse.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang is certainly not incapable of empathy. It's just hard to muster up most of the time because of how he's been treated most of his life.

"Mm..." He lets out a pleased little sound when he's kissed. He runs his hands down Song Lan's chest, fingers rubbing over nipples and feeling along muscles to find out where the other man is sensitive. Eventually, he guides one of Song Lan's hands to his own robes, encouraging him to do some exploring of his own.